One Way to Lower Stress: Complete the Stress Response Cycle

Feeling stressed out?

Find ways to give your nervous system a break and see how it changes your story.

Picture this: you’re driving your car down the road when you suddenly see police lights flashing  right behind you in your rear-view mirror. You may feel a surge of adrenaline, tightness in your chest, rapid heartbeat, dry mouth.  Just thinking of this may evoke physical stress symptoms, or a body memory of these sensations. And in this police-lights-flashing scenario, your physical symptoms would likely flare up and then take awhile to subside, whether you get pulled over, or not.

This scenario would be a good time to complete the stress response cycle.

What Is ‘Completing the Stress Response Cycle’?

We experience stress in our minds and bodies due to our detection of stressors in our lives. Stressors can be external: work, finances, expectations. Stressors can also be internal: thoughts, feelings, memories, assumptions, beliefs, expectations.

The stress that we experience in our minds and bodies is “an evolutionarily adaptive response that helps us cope with things, like, say, being chased by a lion or charged by a hippo”, (Nagoski, A., Nagasaki, E., 2019) according to Drs. Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski in their book .

This adaptive response to stressors primes our bodies to M-O-B-I-L-I-Z-E for survival — fight or flight. Adrenaline and cortisol are pumped into the body so that body can focus solely on getting to safety.

The stress response and the flow of adrenaline and cortisol works well if you need to literally run from a lion, but works not-so-great if you are preparing to meet with your boss, if you are feeling triggered by your partner or kids, or if you are asking someone out on a date.

The reason that the stress response doesn’t work so well in these less physical scenarios is because that rush of mobilizing chemicals can be a mismatch for a calm and nuanced conversation that requires deep listening, and which doesn’t have a physical job or action that can bring you to safety.

Completing the Stress Response is doing something to signal to your body that you are safe in this moment, and that you can focus on other things besides survival.  It is also a way to give those mobilizing chemicals a job to do.

Why Is It Important to Complete the Stress Cycle?

With the adrenaline and cortisol still activated in your body, you can remain in fight or flight — and everything can look like a tiger. This vigilant and mobilized perspective is great for detecting threat in your world and your interactions. This adaptation is primed for survival, even if these threats don’t exist.

Completing the stress cycle can help both your body, and your emotions.

Here are a few examples where completing the stress cycle may help you:

• In your relationship, if your partner wants to discuss something about the two of you, and you are in fight-or-flight, you may be looking for threats in the conversation, and then you may respond to your partner defensively.

• In your life, you may have an upsetting or jarring experience in one moment, and then find yourself in a bad mood later, maybe even lashing out at those you care about, without understanding why.

• After completing and delivering a project or assignment that has evoked worry, rumination or fight-or-flight, you expect to feel relief but you still feel slightly activated.

It’s important to complete the stress cycle, because according to Deb Dana, “story follows state”.  This means that when your nervous system is in fight-or-flight,  the story that you tell yourself about what is happening will highlight the threats, not the safety. This is because you are tapping into your adaptive system to ward off threat. Again, very helpful for running from wild animals, but not great for complex listening and attuned communication.

What are Ways to Complete the Stress Response Cycle?

Here are some ways to complete the stress response cycle:

1. Physical Activity - This is the most efficient way to complete the stress cycle.

2. Deep breathing - Deep breaths and extending your exhale engages the parasympathetic / ventral brake and slows down your fight-or-flight response.

3. Social interaction - Connecting with a friendly face can help to complete the stress response cycle. Even small talk with a stranger on the street or a chat with a cashier can help to get you out of your head. These social interactions can provide small moments of safety to your nervous system.

4. Laughter

5. Affection - This can be a hug from a friend, or even snuggling or petting an animal. The Nagoskis recommend the 6 second kiss or the Welcome Hug with your partner —both proven methods that the Gottman Institute recommends to improve your connection, if you have a partner. 

6. Creative Expression - Expressing yourself creatively allows you to engage different parts of the brain, and to find calm and relaxation.

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Sources:

Dana, Deb (2020) Polyvagal Exercises for Safety and Connection: 50 Client-Centered Practices, Norton Professional Books, New York, NY.

Nagoski, A., Nagoski, E., (2019) Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, Ballantine, New York, NY.